15. August 2008 by Michael.

Of all of the reasons I could hate Myspace (and believe me there are many) Tila Tequila is #1. Seriously, WTF?! No. Seriously. WTF? This orange midget baring an alarming resemblance to an Oompa Loompa is now famous and terrorizing my television all because she had the most friends on Myspace. As if this is not enough, there is the general format of the pages typically found on Myspace. I don’t need excessive flash. I don’t need to automatically hear your favorite crap music. Most importantly, and I do mean most importantly, is that I don’t care one ounce about any of the ridiculous, uninformative, crap posts that cover my screen. When the graffiti on a passing train or overpass is more informative, more amusing, and has better spelling and grammar than the posts on your Myspace page it is time to get some new friends.

Facebook is the alternative to Myspace for educated people. Or so it is claimed. The truth is that you have to be to use it. For starters, the search engine does not work. It never has. In order for you to be friends with someone, you have to find them using the intuitive search and complete a courtship process. It goes something like this. Not to mention that this process begins by you looking through hundreds of pictures 5 pixels in size and trying to determine if those 5 dots are someone you knew 10 years ago. Once you identify all of your old friends who were not important enough to keep up with in the first place over the years through their 5 pixel pictures, Facebook will make sure you stay informed with what is going on in their lives. Very informed. So informed that if you do not turn off all of its notifications you will end up with this:

I can not fathom how anyone thought that to be a good idea. But I digress. Apparently everyone thinks that their life is so special that the whole world should know about each second of it. More alarmingly, they are nosy enough to want to know what everyone is doing at any given second as well. So, since America has turned into the old people who live next door and peer through the blinds at you all day, the internet gods gave us Twitter. Consider this the beginning of the end.

Now with Twitter you can know exactly what all of your friends are doing at any given second. Doesn’t that sound exciting? It isn’t. Allow the fine people at Penny-Arcade to demonstrate. I give you Le Twittre: 

Excellent. Now when computers run by rat brains start a war against humanity and send a Terminator back in time they will have a documented history of all of your bowel movements so that it can pick an opportune moment to kill you. And it will be all your fault because you just had to tell all your Facebook friends from the old school days to check out your Myspace so that they could see your friend’s Twitter page which lets them know they are dropping a deuce which can be seen on RateMyPoo.com.

This is what we have become. I’m just afraid that this is as good as it gets.

Posted in General Rants | 1 Comment »

15. August 2008 by Michael.

And by “we” I mean “me.” But nonetheless, after a long hiatus, I

have returned to the internets.

Posted in General Rants | 1 Comment »